My Personal Fight with Cancer, that Monster in the closet€¦ Part 1
I have been recently asked to share my experiences during the past
year in my fight with pancreatic cancer and I must say first off that
although I have had experience as a care giver to my mother who died of
lung cancer I had no idea at all how to deal with what would be my own
battle for life. When I was diagnosed I had been in the hospital for
several days waiting for an answer to that big question of "what is that
on the CT scan?" I must say that in my heart of hearts I knew that it
would be cancer as it not only took my mother in 99' but my sister as
well in 98'. My first concern of course was that of my daughter and my
grandson but they have lives of their own and as she pointed out I must
first take care of myself before I can care for someone else (oh how
true).
The oncologist assigned to my case was a man that has an outstanding
reputation in the circles of oncology and the surgeon that he brought in
was the best in the state so I was well taken care of and was ready to
listen to what would become my life's course for however long it lasted.
A computer was wheeled into my room and my doctor, Dr. Issam Makhoul
began to explain to me just what was taking place inside my body and
what we could do about it. I was diagnosed with a common form of
pancreatic cancer but what had taken place was that the tumor instead of
being at the head of the pancreas was towards the tail and it had begun
to wrap itself around various arteries and such that would indicate
that surgery was NOT an option for me at the time. It was Stage 4
pancreatic cancer and it is considered terminal in 94% of all known
cases, so I can say with all honesty that I was not really happy with
this at all. I will never forget Dr. Makhoul's next words to me no
matter how long I survive this difficulty, "what we are going to talk
about today is going to change your entire life forever." Well in all
ways possible his words have been true and I have gone through nothing
but change since the day I walked out of UAMS and returned to my life as
it was.
In my case surgery is not possible due to the growth of the tumor and
it's encasement of my main arteries and if it were attempted it would
cause my death by simply bleeding to death due to complications. I was
told that chemo and radiation were my only choices and that it "might"
shrink the tumor allowing for surgical removal in time if my body
reacted to the treatment in a positive manner. So I at once set out to
beat this invader by doing all that was recommended in my case. I went
through 15 radiation treatments and a round of chemo that included my
carrying an infusion pump around for 2 weeks. Well after 6 weeks of
treatment and waiting we found that along with the side effects (I was
terribly sick) the tumor had grown one full inch in diameter. Ok, I
thought, this is great so what next? Well we took a 2 week break,
circled the wagons and came up with a new plan that we hoped would make
some kind of difference. I was taken off of the radiation treatments and
was given a chemo cocktail made up of three different drugs which again
included the infusion pump so away we went with the new process!!!! I
was sick for over three weeks and there was no answer to this but after a
new CT scan it showed that we had halted the growth of the tumor, my
blood work came back fine so maybe, just maybe we had found the
answer......
During these first few months of treatment for cancer I was told over
and over by people that had come into my life that my oncology nurse
would become my best friend and that I should depend on said nurse for
all of the answers needed during my treatment for cancer. Well I for one
agree and the importance of this should never be over shadowed by
anything else. She is indeed your first line of communication in ALL
matters pertaining to your treatment and to your life, or how you will
be able to live it. For me, it was time for a major change because my
nurse, Michele and I could not get along. The way I see it, I am in
control of how my case should be handled and what meds I am willing to
pump into my body no matter the opinions of anyone else. Michele could
not see this so we had to part ways. Now I must say that Dr. Makhoul did
try to accommodate me and I will be forever grateful but the problems
between Michele and I grew to a personal level and had to be put to
rest. I am now with Dr. Thomas Sneed at Arkansas Oncology and I could
not be happier. The staff here does their very best to make sure that I
am comfortable in everything, from decision making, to my meds, and to
any care that I need at any stage of my treatment. It takes a bit longer
to do the chemo sessions here but it is more than worth it. My last
session lasted for 3 1/2 hours and I was not only fine with it but was a
bit aggravated that it was time to go as I was watching a movie on my
iPhone
Tomorrow I will share how the cancer has affected my personal life
and how I have fared with it but most of all, before I go on with
anything I have to say these few things.....
If you ever have to deal with cancer or any other life changing
medical issues make sure you are comfortable with the people who are
treating you. You must have the utmost trust and confidence in them and
you must think clearly about your future and how it affects everyone
around you. Things may well never be the same for me but they can be
better and that my friends, is a lesson well learned.
My Personal Fight with Cancer, that Monster in the closet€¦ Part 2
You know, a lot of us believe our lives to be mundane at best but in
this day and age with all the social media and such we go through some
type of change every day. People share ideas with us, include us in
their private lives and supply us with information we never gave any
thought to. I too believed my life to be uneventful and downright boring
until that day back in January when I was told that I have pancreatic
cancer and that my life would never be the same.
As I have stated before, my first thoughts were of my daughter and my
grandson and how my death would affect them. What memories my grandson
Jack would have of me, what impact have I really had on my daughter's
life. In-fact, there was a flood of thoughts that went through my mind
that afternoon but when that rush of thoughts cleared and I realized
that the lives of my family would go on no matter what I began to think
of these really simple things€¦.. What have "I" done? What have "I"
truly accomplished? Have "I" left my mark on anyone or anything at all
and would "I" be remembered? My idiotic mind first came up with the idea
to have a really fantastic headstone placed on my grave, something that
would be noticed by anyone who walked through the cemetery but hell
that even sounded ridiculous to me once the thought was completed!
This last year has been nothing but changes for me. When all of this
started I was pretty much alone visiting with my daughter and grandson
and working all the time. I really had no big responsibilities in my
life and I had just begun as diretor of Firm Foundation Ministries. Oh I
was busy and to my thinking at the time, happy so what more did I need
except an answer to this cancer delima? Well God had other plans as He
usually does and He began moving me in a diretion that would prove
wonderful for me. Now don't get me wrong here, I never said that living
alone, working at the job you always wanted and pretty much feeling free
were setbacks or a mundane existance. When you are living solo you can
explore many new things and go places without the need to take anyone
else's needs or wants into account, hell you just do it! Well this was
not going to be the direction I was headed nor was I going to do just
what I damn well pleased, as I said, God had plans so in March He
shuffled the deck and dealt me a new hand.
I had been friends with a lady here in Cabot for about a year
interacting online and talking on the phone. I must say that yes, I was
attracted to he
Article by: Bill Karabinus
http://goarticles.com
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